Escapism

Earlier,
I wanted to run away,
Far far far away.
An unknown sense of loss
Was slowly killing me
And the roots of pessimism
Fueled my claustrophobia.

Reality,
Oh, I wanted to forget its time,
Cruel cruel cruel time.
It was my willing prison
And I wept for freedom
Each night between 2 and 5
When even fantasies taunted me.

My mask,
Oh, I wanted to bury it deep,
Really really really deep.
My smile, I hated the most,
For it was a traumatic lie
And my dry downturned eyes
Were ashamed of my insignificance.

So, earlier,
I wanted to run away,
Far far far away.
The darkness of the days
Was gradually killing me
And the roots of lurking fear
Fueled my forced amnesia.

Sleep,
Oh, I wanted to kiss it goodbye,
Sweet sweet sweet goodbye.
I was never ready enough
To meet those ghosts
Who claimed me for my sins
The second I let go, unconscious.

My heart,
Oh, I wanted to chop it into pieces,
Tiny tiny tiny pieces.
And, burn them one by one
So that the blood lost
Can feed this hungry beast
Who was greedy for solace.

Yes, earlier,
I wanted to run away,
Far far far away.
My love for attention
Was quickly killing me
And the roots of morbid life
Fueled my endless rage.

Senses,
Oh, I wanted to numb their pokes,
Irritating irritating irritating pokes.
They reminded me of how
My innocence had died young
To the hands of passion
And I was nothing but a slave.

My words,
Oh, I wanted to drown them in hate,
Peaceful peaceful peaceful hate.
For my pen wouldn't stop
Betraying me again and again
As its ink smeared pages
Survived even on wet shower walls.

Oh, earlier,
I wanted to run away,
Far far far away.
This curse of helplessness
Had brutally killed me
And the roots of guilt
Fueled my ongoing obsession.

~Swathya